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Bray Wyatt’s “Firefly Fun House” has officially hit peak weirdness

‘Don’t let those reptilians in!’

In honor of WrestleMania 36, pro wrestling is taking over the month of March at AIPT with WrestleMonth! Check back every day for new reviews, essays, and looks back at classic moments in both WWE and AEW!

Does WWE’s Universal Champion support the world’s weirdest conspiracy theory?

Last week, in his ever-engaging “Firefly Fun House,” Bray Wyatt implored Daniel Bryan (holder of some weird beliefs himself) to come back and “play” with him some more, in the form of another championship match. Wyatt was accompanied by his most cutting puppet, Huskus the Pig Boy, which is a self-deprecating reference to Wyatt’s time under the name “Husky Harris,” when he wasn’t in as good of shape as he is now.

Huskus, naturally, ate too much at Thanksgiving, but wait!! — that’s not the real story here. In his constant drive to corrupt the youth of the WWE Universe, Wyatt dropped the bomb that, “The first Thanksgiving wasn’t between the Pilgrims and the natives. No, it was between the Muscle Men and the Reptilians, right before they tried to overthrow humanity!”

Jump to about 1:55.

The Muscle Man comes from the previously strangest Fun House, in which Wyatt talked about how WWE owner Vince McMahon (represented, of course, by a demonic puppet) chastised him about his weight. The reptilian thing, he can’t take credit for.

That’s because, according to a survey by Public Polling Policy during the 2016 U.S. presidential campaign, 4% of registered voters (about 12.5 million people) believe that “lizard people control politics.”

All that really shows, honestly, is that there’s a good reason for that 3% margin of error, and some people will do anything for a laugh. Still, while it might be smaller than that poll shows, the number of people who believe we’ve been visited by scaly alien humanoids is definitely not zero.

Before the “greys” came to dominate global UFO occupant encounters, experiencers in different regions tended to see different kinds of aliens. Europe had the tall, blonde “Nordics,” South America had dwarves, and Australia had reptilian humanoids. So either the Earth and its continents were divvied up by the rest of the galaxy like in some kind of interstellar imperialism, or hey, the things people see are influenced by their own culture.

But English soccer player David Icke took it to a whole other level. After his sports career, in 1991, Icke declared himself the “son of a Godhead” (whatever that means) and stated the world would end six years later. Thankfully for everyone who’s lampooned the belief since, it didn’t, and Icke would go on to insist that a race of interdimensional, reptilian humanoids called the Archon (reported on and called the Annunaki in the Bible) had crossbred with humans to create the Illuminati, who run all major world governments and hold humanity back (for some reason) by making us all afraid and angry.

But it’s not just Queen Elizabeth and Donald Rumsfeld (though he steadfastly denies it) — Facebook founder and android body double Mark Zuckerberg has also been accused of being a hybrid reptile shapeshifter. That one … seems a little more credible, okay.

Not Justin Bieber, though! Please, God! A bizarre 2017 story from (you guessed it) Australia said that hundreds of horrified fans had witnessed the pop music icon morphing uncontrollably between his reptile and human forms at an airport, sending men running for the exits and women screaming to the bathrooms for safety. A little bit of digging found that the story was itself a hoax, and had never even actually been published.

Then how do you explain his reptile eyes?! Oh, Mick West explained it pretty well.

Clearly, this is a fun one for Wyatt and others to play with — even Barack Obama’s White House got in on it in 2013 — but that doesn’t mean it can’t one day be harmful. If a prominent figure is an inhuman monster, isn’t it the duty of heroic citizens to take him out? I mean, Hinckley only shot Reagan for Jodie Foster.

AIPT Science is co-presented by AIPT and the New York City Skeptics.

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